Why is self-motivation so important for the noble expression of good manners and etiquette?

This is the sixth article in a series on Etiquette & Emotional Intelligence: A Winning Combination written by Richard Cullinan, who heads up our EQ faculty.

Self-motivation comes from what inspires you and without it you cannot change your paradigm of life or take the actions you need to, to get new results. People often ask me what my purpose is, and I tell them, “The purpose of my life is to fulfil my sacred commission which is to help people become more emotionally intelligent so they can live happier, healthier lives and build lasting relationships which are based on love and understanding.”

My hope is that you too will develop your own purpose statement, which is your “reason why”, and will use this statement of your intentions to motivate and inspire yourself to be the best person you can be.

Not only will your purpose statement inspire you, actually implementing it in your daily life will also make you happier. Out of the 5 core emotions we all feel, namely, happy, sad, angry, afraid and ashamed, happiness is the state of mind we should aspire to on purpose because when we are happy we perform at our best and attract people, circumstances and opportunities that will enrich us and further our aims.

In the pursuit of happiness, we need to understand that to a large degree, happiness depends upon ourselves.

Led by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, psychologists at the University of California have discovered some fascinating things about happiness that could change your life.

One of their main discoveries is that we all have a happiness “set point”. When extremely positive or negative events happen, such as buying a bigger house or losing a job, they temporarily increase or decrease our happiness, but we eventually drift back to our own set point.

The breakthrough in Dr Lyubomirsky’s research is that you can make yourself happier, permanently.

Lyubomirsky and others have found that our genetic set point is responsible for 50% of our happiness, life circumstances affect about 10% and a whopping 40% is up to us.

This should give us a lot of hope and focus our minds on what we can do in our lives to increase our happiness.

Being kind and generous towards other people makes you feel good about yourself and endears you to others. The inner contentment that comes from having this approach will also help you to maintain a calm and composed demeanour even when you are faced with difficult situations.

To build the confidence you need to improve your manners and display good etiquette in any society requires the right mindset and attitude. If you have a growth mindset and are self-motivated you will excel at anything you put your mind to.

Here are a few ways you can inspire yourself to be more confident:

• Develop your own purpose statement which inspires you and includes what you love to do and why you are doing it
• Fine-tune your curiosity and find adventure and lessons in all your activities and interactions with other people
• Be accountable to your authentic self and pursue goals that are aligned to your strengths

Emotional intelligence and etiquette are a winning combination. Learning how to practice these skills will measurably enhance your social and business interactions and inspire your own happiness in a volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous world.